I ran out of music stories for now, but since I recently made a flight on Southwest Air Lines, thought this would generate a few laughs.


SOUTHWEST FLIGHT ATTENDENT

August 10, 2010

Seattle to San Diego

Flt. SW 240

3:45 pm departure

 

 

While boarding the Southwest Flt 240 in Seattle, we discovered we had a very talented comedienne as our flight attendant.

Her first announcement (and clue to her secret identity) was the following statement, as we boarded:

“There are plenty of open seats in the rear, besides, the beautiful flight attendant, Beverly, is back there with cold beer”.  The rush was on!  Next came the formal announcements.

 

“Pretend you are listening to the following safety procedures:”

Find the colorful, fold out safety card with the cartoon pictures of this Boeing 737 aircraft.

Seat belts, ………..there will be a test!

Oxygen masks, In the event the cabin looses pressure, Designer masks will drop from the overhead. Put YOUR mask on first, then, assist your child. If you have more than one, choose the one with the most potential.

Stowing carry-on bags, anything not stowed in the overhead bins, must be placed under the seat in front of you during takeoff and landing. Yes ladies, that includes your expensive purses, handbags or personal items. Squeeze, jam or push those items all the way under the seat in front of you, leaving the foot area clear.

Smoking, the only Smoking area on this air craft is on the wing, If you can light it, you can smoke it.

Payment for alcoholic beverages, S/W has no cash. Therefore, we accept no cash, credit cards only.

Peanuts and pretzels were announced as, “protein and carbs”.

Water landing, In the event we become an ocean cruise, inflatable life vest are located under each seat. (After a demonstration) do not inflate your vest until AFTER you exit the aircraft.

Emergency exits,

Exit the sinking aircraft……….

Now that we are safely on the ground, all you cell phone deprived folks can now turn on your cell phones. (My thought was, I wonder if the cell networks can withstand the sudden surge of call volume.)

Please remain in your seats with the seat belt fastened until the plane has come to a screeching halt at the gate as the pilots are great flyers,  but, they are not great drivers,

Thank you for choosing Southwest Air Lines.  We know you have many choices when you fly, (well , no

not really anymore).

 If you are making a connecting flight with another air lines, good luck.

Be careful, when opening the overhead bins as the contents may shift in flight, shift happens!

Welcome to San Diego!     Whew, we made it!